What is it about Michael Vicks and Jesus that seems out of whack?

How come a guy who spent his life becoming the best he could be would throw it away with an arrogant act of stupidity?

Perhaps we could ask Wide-Stanse Craig, but he hasn't come out and proclaimed that he found Jesus several months before he found the proper way to rub the bottom of a bathroom stall divider. And thank God for that!

But Vicks, well this guy is another story. He was a first class quarterback. He had everything any man or woman might want. But he also had a surprise that in the end included poor Jesus. The man liked to gamble on dog fights. Okay, I understand no one wants to rehash this crap over and over. Neither do I.

But he came out with this "I found Jesus" claim and when asked when he found Jesus, he said it was in May, I believe, which was several months before he found the joy of killing and drowning (I know they're one and the same) dogs with his bare hands!

Look, Pal, what the hell are you trying to say? Do you believe that Jesus is okay with dog killing? Do you think he was standing alongside you going, "Yeah, Michael, you're the man!" each time you body-slammed a dog? Held its head underwater and watched the bubbles slowly dwindle away to nothing? And how did watching that make you feel?

So this is what I think really happened.

Michael Vicks heard a ruckus in his backyard, dogs growling, barking, ready to fight to the death, only this wasn't a fight day.

"What could that be about?" Micheal asked. "Is someone outside stirring up trouble? Trying to break in and steal something, like my dogs?"

Bravely, Vicks ran outside and was shocked by what he found. Jesus was surrounded by snarling, growling dogs that had become Satan's demon horde.

With his bare hands, Michael Vicks killed those dogs and saved Jesus! So you see, when Michael Vicks said he found Jesus, he meant it in the most literal sense. He found Jesus and saved him too, and I say Hallelujah!