What is The Rapture?

Synonyms for Rapture - ecstasy, delight, joy, bliss, Seventh Heaven, Cloud Nine.

None of the above comes close to what I'm interested in discussing. For me, The Rapture is about people disappearing off the streets in the blink of an eye. Not just one person, but dozens, hundreds, thousands, maybe tens of millions. Before you know it, every Evangelical Baptist on the planet Earth is gone. Or are they?

Maybe, it will be Catholics, or Quakers, Presbyterians, Episcopalians (oops, no, not them, they accepted gays into the clergy). Perhaps Jews can go along for the ride, take Muslims too.

To me the concept of The Rapture seems a bit too science fiction. It's as if aliens will invade with Star Trek hand weapons, or laser guns. Alternatively, some mythical creatures from the lost annals of history will fly silently overhead, emitting a thin stream of superheated gas that annihilates living atoms on contact, but only human atoms of course.

If I think about it long enough, casting aside my character flaws, which pile up around me to about shoulder height, I know I would rather skip it. I mean watching might be a thrill, in a voyeuristic kind of way, but otherwise forget about it.

Listen, I've lived many years as a kid and as an adult. If I'm going to be whisked away in the blink of a divine eye, what was the purpose of those years I lived, and why was I not allowed to live the rest of my time first? Hell, I'm not done. I know I'm going to screw up anyway, so why not let me finish? I might get lucky near the end and do something really cool that erases my jagged past.

Oh, yeah, The Rapture equals End of Time. Please, end of human time is not even close to the end of time. In addition, we do not need God to end it for us, we're doing fine on our own, thank you very much!

Oh, that's right, I forgot, there is no climate change. Why it snowed in the Deep South this past winter. Moreover, Canada just went through its warmest winter in recorded history, hmmm.

So what if come 12/21/2012 at twelve noon exactly, a massive rock drops from space and cracks open the surface of the Earth? Will that be The Rapture? Or The End of Time? Damn sure will hurt like hell.

Do try to keep in mind that The Rapture, i.e. The Ecstasy, The Delight, The Bliss is meant to feel good, extreme pleasure, spiritually orgasmic even. Why else chose a name such as The Rapture? It's not even close to The Eternal Lullaby. We'll be dancing on clouds with harps and wings to the tune of Tiptoe through the Angelic Tulips.

Oh, and yup, The Rapture will be a bad event for those of us Left Behind. There will be nothing blissful about it, rarely a shudder of ecstasy for them. They'll go on living just as they always have, except there will be no extremist Right Wing Evangelical Christians dictating how you can and cannot live your life.

Oh, wait a minute.

All of them along with their media dictators, authors, song writers, human rights hating, corporate loving, discriminating, screaming illiterates, and too the hidden-in-the-wilderness militiamen will be gone forever.

Why, those of us Left Behind will be stuck with nothing but thinking caring intellectuals, humanists, equal rights supporters, earth loving environmentalists, and promoters of justice and peace over profits.

Well, my God, seems I got distracted, or did I? After all, what exactly is The Rapture?

According to what I've heard and read, the Chosen are plucked off the Earth and given their well deserved Eternal Reward.

Okay, I get that, but if there are tens of millions, or hundreds of millions, where will all of those people live, or stay? Do they remain physical, or will their bodies be converted to ashes? Then what? We who get Left Behind sweep up the remains? Okay, will make good fertilizer I suppose.

Moreover, what happens to whatever part of the "SAVED" that is whisked off or sucked into heaven? Is it non-corporeal? Does he or she transform into a ghost-like creature floating helplessly through space? Is deep space heaven? Will feathered wings help?

Maybe the galaxy's black hole center is Hell. Cool, or not.

Um, distracted again, I see. I suppose I don't get it, so that means I'm destined to be Left Behind. Well thank God!

That must also mean I am not a right wing Evangelical Christian who believes he has the right-- no, the obligation to dictate how others must live, and die. As if any Christian has personally spoken to God for such instruction.

A burning bush does not a God make.

You see, I do not believe any human can receive real power over others without it corrupting him. In addition, if God really did create humanity, for whatever entertaining reason, then God knew that too. Therefore, God would not ever, if it were possible, speak to any human, period. Why give a lowly human that kind of power? I mean really, just look at Papal history.

Damn, why do I get into these dead end debates?

Let me say this and I will quit what I should never have begun. If there really will be a Rapture and only the chosen few -- such as those lovely Evangelicals who think healthcare is a privilege, that women have no right to control their own destinies, that gay men and women are unequal the way those same people once thought black Americans were, that selected men can speak for all of humanity ordering its future, that poverty is right for anyone but them -- I truly want to be Left Behind.

No, I demand to be Left Behind. Life on Earth without radical religion would be heaven on Earth, a thousand years of peace finally. Every war for the last four thousand years was fought for or because of God, or religion.

Good grief, let The Rapture begin, please, if there is a God, I beg you.