Save the Red Heifer

We need your support.

Down in Texas and elsewhere, ranchers breed and raise Red Heifers, ship them to Israel, and slaughter them for their ashes. That's right, their ashes. The Heifers do not become hamburger, sirloin, pot roast, hot dogs, or anything else to eat. No one uses their hides for shoes, wallets, or purses.

This is why.

Members of the extreme right wing of Evangelical Christianity (they don't have a left wing) believe in the End Time, the Rapture (not the same as anything erotic), and the Second Coming.

First, a brief aside about the Rapture. Say you're walking down the street. You've been sinless one way or another for years (just be patient now) and then you are Raptured.

That's right, Raptured. I envision a sparkly little cloud of particles settling slowly to the filthy sidewalk, piling up into a small mound of what is left of you. Some clumsy non-Raptured human steps in your remains, and says, "Damn them, why don't these idiots Rapture in the privacy of their own homes?" and uses a stick to scrap you off his sole.

(Sorry, got distracted).

I want to get Left Behind! Yea! Think of it. All of the Limbaugh, Palin, Coulter, Beck, Bachmann, et al lovers will be gone along with the five clowns mentioned at the start of the paragraph, well maybe them.

World peace will be possible without those lovely Evangelicals who hate the thought of peace in the Middle East. Hell, they hate the thought of peace anywhere. Why do you think Evangelicals wanted to invade Iraq? Oil? Nope to fire off the first salvo of Armageddon.

However, this is about those poor little red Heifers.

See, Evangelicals like Sarah Palin think (and I do use the word loosely in this context) that if and or when Jesus Christ returns, you know The Second Coming, all of the Jews around the world will convert to Christianity. They will flock (no pun intended, yeah right) to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple. Then before any of you, the Chosen Ones (sorry, Rush, druggies need not apply) enter the new and improved, air-conditioned Temple (Evangelicals hate physical discomfort) you must be anointed with the ashes from a red Heifer (comes in a tiny plastic Ziploc packet with a price tag of $50.00 for each admittance).

What? The world's Arab population will protest the rebuilding of the Temple? Let them speak with Jesus, and get their own plastic baggy of dead red Heifer ashes, if they dare.

How many red Heifers will it take to provide ashes for what several hundred million or more? Hundreds of thousands of innocent red Heifers must die may have already died, for the satisfaction of a minority of humankind who live in the illusion they call the End Times.

Of course, many will become rich raising and selling red Heifers just like a few have writing books about the Big Event, or shouting words that spew every day to promote fear and hatred while they hawk their favorite political candidates to promote war and profit.

Maybe we can save the red Heifers and look for something else to burn.